There are days...

There are days when you just want to be taken care of. There are days that you just want someone to take over everything and you can do nothing. There are days you just want someone to say, "It's okay, I am here" so you can relax. There are days...

I love being single because I am still in the process of learning everything about myself. How I react on certain situations by myself.

I love helping my family, my friends and everyone. I don't want to think of it as a burden but more of a challenge. Maybe it's because there are times that I am tempted to do something else. Some wants to have kids on their own at an early but responsible age, while I, want to travel, splurge on things while I am young and single. Because for me, once you have a family of your own, you no longer have to think of yourself, their needs and wants comes first and I am so not ready for that. As I said, I am in the process of learning about myself.

My uncle always tell me, I am the captain of our family.I am the leader of our generation in our clan. Because I have visions, I always like to plan ahead, I think ahead, and I work ahead. It is actually a flattering statement coming from someone I look up to, but there is a big responsibility that comes with it. I have to make sure that my family, including my cousins are all okay, monitored and connected to one another. I have to make sure that family is still family even when they are gone.

He said I got it from my mother who is the eldest of 8. But a part of me want to protest, how about me? What if I don't want to be a leader? I am the youngest in my family and supposedly the youngest are the one that is spoiled, self-centered and all but apparently not. I mean, none to any of me and my siblings, but in the natural order of things, the eldest is the leader and the rest should follow. But not with us.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame anyone for my responsibility, but again, there are days you just want to lounge around, hang out, you know, stop and smell the flowers, be a bum.

I'm also human, in as much as I want to do things without complaining, I tend to feel tired and worn out at times that is why I hope for days like those.

There are days..

Four Years...

It was the middle of year 2010, I quit my job in 24/7. And since I cannot afford to be jobless for a while, a friend referred me to Teletech Customer Care Management, Philippines. 

August 02, 2010. First day of work. In a room of 20 hopeful trainess and 1 trainer, my life in Teletech began. A friend once told me, I am Miss Friendship, and I think even my Mama would attest to it. You can leave me not knowing anyone in one corner but few minutes after, I will manage to have a friend. 

Meet USCR 7. That's the name of my wave. They said training days are a bliss. You get paid without taking calls. So I enjoyed it as much as everybody did. 

That's us with Boss Mike and OM Aisha

By the time I hit the production, we were still a team. Fortunately, since we were one of the first few batches, we manage to have one team. But I was closest to the girls. But these four manage to leave an impact on my life. 

My Shupatembangs (Carla, Me, Glaiza, Urville and Anna)

These four were the closest to me among our wave. We all have our own differences, but we all have something in common, our Love to Travel. We all get giddy and excited whenever we would talk about our dream destination, dream adventure and other things. They were the major reason why it took me a while to decide leaving the company, because I did not only find my travel buddies there, but I found my real friends in them. 

Then the rigodon happened, we were all shuffled to different teams because of the change. I was so devastated then. I invested too much emotion on the team and the idea of being transferred to another one was too much for me to handle. 

meet Team Sharifa

Glaiza (one of the closest to me) knew Sam or Sharifa and she assured me I will be in good hands.. During my stay sa kanya, we were okay as supervisor and agent. Not until she has to be given a new set of agents. After I was transferred to another team, only then, Sam and I became friends. 

 Team Earl

Then there's Team Earl. Then we were transferred to Chat from Residential Billing. We all welcomed the change then... 

In Teletech, it is where I experienced my first out of the country trip, thanks to my shupatembangs who made it happen. It is where we managed to learn how we respond on things. 

at Ocean Park, Hong Kong

It is also in Teletech, I've been to other places I never thought I would go, get to experience what they had to offer, be a local or just enjoy how beautiful this world is. 

 me in Bato Springs, Quezon

The Ruins, Bacolod

 white water rafting in Cagayan De Oro

 some hotel in Macau

Abra De Ilog, Occidental Mindoro

in a cozy beach in Samar

And then, I had to be moved to another Team Leader. TL Cherry. I am getting used to the idea of being transferred from one leader to the other. It is in her team when I enjoyed being alone. Since we handle Chat service, we were not required to take calls unless the call volume would said so. 

this is our latest picture when we watched 50 shades of grey

I am happy to know that even though we were incomplete in the photo, and we are no longer team mates, we managed to see each other once in a while to have fun from time to time. 

And then, another change happened. Nalipat ako sa Connected Home. I had to be separated to the team again. Good thing, mababait at welcoming ang new team ko. at first, aside from being sabaw with the changes, super tinatamad na naman ako. Pero I was wrong. It turned out, the team I was moved to, were great. I found new set of friends.

Meet Jabe, Sasan and Dee.. Missing in photo na naman si ate Helen, hahaha! Anyways, mali na naman ako ng inakala na hindi ko sila makakasundo, dahil next thing I knew, sila ang karamay ko nung time na kabadong kabado ako if itutuloy ko pa ba ang pag alis o hindi. Medyo malala ang sepanx ko sa kanila dahil sumabay pa na nag change location ang office, nagkaroon ng rigodon, at may nakasabay ako na nagresign... Pero alam ko, hindi ko man sila makita ng madalas, friends pa din kaming lahat...

After four years of staying in the company, masasabi ko na sila ang dahilan why I stayed and also decided to leave. In as much as I want to be with them at all times, kailangan ko isipin na hindi na ako masaya sa trabaho. It took me a while to admit na walang nangyari sa akin sa apat na taon when it comes to my career. Marami man akong lugar na puntahan, marami man akong tao na makilala, hindi mawawala ang dahilan na walang nangyari sa career ko.

So, going back to my introduction... I quit. I decided to leave again. This time, I wanted to try if I can make it somewhere overseas, away from everyone. I wanted to start on a clean slate. Gusto ko ibalik yung dating personality ko na observer, yung lahat inaabsorb ko, yung dahilan bakit ako napansin na may potential ako. Gusto ko patunayan sa sarili ko na, kaya ko, at kakayanin ko.

Baon ang lahat ng natutunan ko sa Pilipinas, kaunting pocket money, maraming dasal, at sangkatutak na lakas ng loob at positivity, heto ako ngayon sa UAE. Nagbabakasakali. Nagbabakasakali sa bagong buhay.

So really, feeling ko naman ang buhay ko is not all about failure. Yes, I failed. Yes, I resigned. But I am trying to do something about it. Hindi ako nagpakain sa takot ko. This goes to everyone who got themselves in a mess too... That you can get out of it. We all can get out of it. We can all start again..


Love,

AngelSmile02

Understanding (Beyond Language)

I was having dinner with my Ate, when he sent this message to me... 

"You are strong for getting out of bed in the morning even when it feels like hell..

You are brave for doing things, even if they scare you, or they make you feel anxious.

And You are brave for trying and holding on no matter how hard it is.

So please, i hope you are proud of yourself and you deserve that change you've been praying for..."

- I know that this message is copied from somewhere and you just added a personal note on it. nevertheless, the fact that you made an effort to understand, learn and write this to me in English (he is Turkish, by the way), is enough proof that you tried understanding why there are times, I had some mood swings, why you noticed that whenever I am thinking of something, I always grab a pen and start doodling and why I sleep during our conversations via facetime. Thank you for those effort, we may not have what others have, but you understand that times like this, I need a listener and a friend. 

Love, 

AngelSmile02