Monday, September 27, 2010
how do you say happy valentine's day to a grieving heart?
It was Valentine’s Day when we first met. He was with her, and I was with him. I saw him passing me by as he assisted the girl with the red dress. They looked happy. They were smiling or even laughing at each other’s joke. A sight to behold.
I decided not to mind them for I have my own date. Stephen, a guy every woman would love to introduce to their parents for he is so generous, so humble despite his achievements and has a sense even the CEO wouldn’t mind talking to him. But for me, he is just Stephen. Plain old Stephen.
Minutes passed and there’s dessert, but before I was able to enjoy the dish, I noticed the couple was no longer a couple but what’s left was a lonely guy eating in the midst of couples who was celebrating the love day. The girl with the red dress is no longer there. She might have gone to the powder room so I thought. But minutes had passed, I’m done with my dessert and just enjoying a cup of tea with Stephen but she’s still hasn’t come out of the powder room.
Too bad. A nice looking guy was ditched at Valentine’s Day. I felt sorry for him.
Three weeks had passed. I was at the same restaurant for lunch but this time I’m no longer with Stephen. He already flew abroad to go back to medical school. We already said goodbyes because we both know, it’s no longer working for us.
Then I saw the guy again. Still on the same spot where I first saw him, alone. It made me think if it’s just plain coincidence or what but he is there.
The guy noticed that I was looking at him so he raised his wine glass and gave me a nod. I felt myself blushed and turn my eyes away. I decided to continue eating.
I was at the parking lot when he called my attention. He said his name is James. I asked him why he is introducing himself. He said he also doesn’t know why and he just wanted to approach me. I smiled at the thought. He was just a lonely guy eating at a restaurant when he noticed me. But then again, I shook off the thought. I welcomed the thought of having a new friend.
James and I instantly hit off. It’s like he came when I need a friend the most. He was able to make me smile on my gloomy days. He was able to lift up my spirit when I was down. He placed a smile on my lips when smiling was the last thing I wanted to do. In short, James was more than what I waited for.
We are having the usual dinner at a restaurant when I saw those medicines. He said those were for his mom’s vitamins. I believed him. There’s no reason for me not to believe him. But days after, I started calling his attention about him losing weight. He joked saying that was just him trying to impress me. I laughed at his craziness.
We agreed to go out of town at the end of next month because we needed some space away from our respective works. We were heading south when he pulled the car. I got worried and asked him why. He said nothing serious. I know he was not telling me the truth but I just nodded and I vowed to myself I will find it out.
He was at the bathroom taking a shower when I felt the sudden urge to go through his things. I saw the medicines, the doctor’s receipts, and those were not for his mom. Those were for him. He is sick. Very sick that I was stunned for a while, and did not notice tears rolling down my cheeks. That was he saw when he stepped out.
I wasn’t prepared. It all came too soon. After that trip, we went back and things were never the same thing again. I buried myself to work trying to convince myself that what happened was just nothing, I tried acting as normal as I could.
But I was wrong. No matter how much I try to deny it, I found myself in front of his doorstep crying asking him how I can ease the pain.
It was cancer. He got it when he was 20. And according to him, he tried to live as normal as he could until I came along. Everything was shown to me, his records, certificates and it pained the hell out of me.
I can’t do anything. I’m not God. I was never God. I never prayed that hard before. I asked Him why’s and how’s. I was the same strong willed lady when I’m with him, but when I’m not, I cry, I cry for the things we could have become. I never wanted us to end with sickness.
Three years. Three long years had passed. I am still sitting on the same spot where he first saw me. I tried to live the same events when he was still with me. Because it had been three years since he passed on but the pain still lingers on. I always look forward of spending Valentine’s with him but now, no other day can make me long this much for that one person I miss the most.
James always brings the flowers to our dates, but this time, it was me who brings the flowers. All I could do is to set them on his grave. I know James is happy; I married him before he died. That was his last promise. He will marry me, and he did. He died in his sleep and he was with me when it happened. I promised him the last thing he would see from me is a smile. I smiled, not because I’m happy but I’m accepting his fate, our fate.
Now, to a grieving heart, how does one say, Happy Valentine’s day?
I decided not to mind them for I have my own date. Stephen, a guy every woman would love to introduce to their parents for he is so generous, so humble despite his achievements and has a sense even the CEO wouldn’t mind talking to him. But for me, he is just Stephen. Plain old Stephen.
Minutes passed and there’s dessert, but before I was able to enjoy the dish, I noticed the couple was no longer a couple but what’s left was a lonely guy eating in the midst of couples who was celebrating the love day. The girl with the red dress is no longer there. She might have gone to the powder room so I thought. But minutes had passed, I’m done with my dessert and just enjoying a cup of tea with Stephen but she’s still hasn’t come out of the powder room.
Too bad. A nice looking guy was ditched at Valentine’s Day. I felt sorry for him.
Three weeks had passed. I was at the same restaurant for lunch but this time I’m no longer with Stephen. He already flew abroad to go back to medical school. We already said goodbyes because we both know, it’s no longer working for us.
Then I saw the guy again. Still on the same spot where I first saw him, alone. It made me think if it’s just plain coincidence or what but he is there.
The guy noticed that I was looking at him so he raised his wine glass and gave me a nod. I felt myself blushed and turn my eyes away. I decided to continue eating.
I was at the parking lot when he called my attention. He said his name is James. I asked him why he is introducing himself. He said he also doesn’t know why and he just wanted to approach me. I smiled at the thought. He was just a lonely guy eating at a restaurant when he noticed me. But then again, I shook off the thought. I welcomed the thought of having a new friend.
James and I instantly hit off. It’s like he came when I need a friend the most. He was able to make me smile on my gloomy days. He was able to lift up my spirit when I was down. He placed a smile on my lips when smiling was the last thing I wanted to do. In short, James was more than what I waited for.
We are having the usual dinner at a restaurant when I saw those medicines. He said those were for his mom’s vitamins. I believed him. There’s no reason for me not to believe him. But days after, I started calling his attention about him losing weight. He joked saying that was just him trying to impress me. I laughed at his craziness.
We agreed to go out of town at the end of next month because we needed some space away from our respective works. We were heading south when he pulled the car. I got worried and asked him why. He said nothing serious. I know he was not telling me the truth but I just nodded and I vowed to myself I will find it out.
He was at the bathroom taking a shower when I felt the sudden urge to go through his things. I saw the medicines, the doctor’s receipts, and those were not for his mom. Those were for him. He is sick. Very sick that I was stunned for a while, and did not notice tears rolling down my cheeks. That was he saw when he stepped out.
I wasn’t prepared. It all came too soon. After that trip, we went back and things were never the same thing again. I buried myself to work trying to convince myself that what happened was just nothing, I tried acting as normal as I could.
But I was wrong. No matter how much I try to deny it, I found myself in front of his doorstep crying asking him how I can ease the pain.
It was cancer. He got it when he was 20. And according to him, he tried to live as normal as he could until I came along. Everything was shown to me, his records, certificates and it pained the hell out of me.
I can’t do anything. I’m not God. I was never God. I never prayed that hard before. I asked Him why’s and how’s. I was the same strong willed lady when I’m with him, but when I’m not, I cry, I cry for the things we could have become. I never wanted us to end with sickness.
Three years. Three long years had passed. I am still sitting on the same spot where he first saw me. I tried to live the same events when he was still with me. Because it had been three years since he passed on but the pain still lingers on. I always look forward of spending Valentine’s with him but now, no other day can make me long this much for that one person I miss the most.
James always brings the flowers to our dates, but this time, it was me who brings the flowers. All I could do is to set them on his grave. I know James is happy; I married him before he died. That was his last promise. He will marry me, and he did. He died in his sleep and he was with me when it happened. I promised him the last thing he would see from me is a smile. I smiled, not because I’m happy but I’m accepting his fate, our fate.
Now, to a grieving heart, how does one say, Happy Valentine’s day?
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