There are days...

There are days when you just want to be taken care of. There are days that you just want someone to take over everything and you can do nothing. There are days you just want someone to say, "It's okay, I am here" so you can relax. There are days...

I love being single because I am still in the process of learning everything about myself. How I react on certain situations by myself.

I love helping my family, my friends and everyone. I don't want to think of it as a burden but more of a challenge. Maybe it's because there are times that I am tempted to do something else. Some wants to have kids on their own at an early but responsible age, while I, want to travel, splurge on things while I am young and single. Because for me, once you have a family of your own, you no longer have to think of yourself, their needs and wants comes first and I am so not ready for that. As I said, I am in the process of learning about myself.

My uncle always tell me, I am the captain of our family.I am the leader of our generation in our clan. Because I have visions, I always like to plan ahead, I think ahead, and I work ahead. It is actually a flattering statement coming from someone I look up to, but there is a big responsibility that comes with it. I have to make sure that my family, including my cousins are all okay, monitored and connected to one another. I have to make sure that family is still family even when they are gone.

He said I got it from my mother who is the eldest of 8. But a part of me want to protest, how about me? What if I don't want to be a leader? I am the youngest in my family and supposedly the youngest are the one that is spoiled, self-centered and all but apparently not. I mean, none to any of me and my siblings, but in the natural order of things, the eldest is the leader and the rest should follow. But not with us.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame anyone for my responsibility, but again, there are days you just want to lounge around, hang out, you know, stop and smell the flowers, be a bum.

I'm also human, in as much as I want to do things without complaining, I tend to feel tired and worn out at times that is why I hope for days like those.

There are days..

To my friends...

Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are.. 

I had a total of Seven Send Off Dinner/EatOut with my friends (not including the last one i had with my family), i was feeling anxious how things will turn out days before my flight.. After each of those despedida, i only have nothing on my heart except for love, hope, and positivity.

To my Shupatembang, Team Clingy, Friday Girls, Jaboom Twins, HS Barkada, Catie and Wackie and Team Sherr. Maraming salamat for you guys took the time to be with me.. You have no idea kung paano magpigil na huwag umiyak sa idea na pupunta ka sa isang lugar na wala kang kaibigan. Pero ginusto ko to, inumpisahan ko to, at papanindigan ko to. Hanggang sa muling pagkikita, sa susunod na gimik, at sa susunod na walwal moments mga kaibigan! Cheers! I love you all! 

Thoughts

Writing this while almost everyone is sleeping.. 

Ang dami dami pumapasok sa isip ko what will happen to me right after I get off from this plane. Pero one thing is certain, things will never be the same again. Umayon man o hindi sa plano ko, things will definitely change. 

Ginusto ko to eh. Inisip at pinlano ko to. Panindigan ko dapat di ba? I was asking for change. Itapon ang lahat ng naumpisahan sa Pilipinas. Hingang malalim. Kaya ko to. 

Understanding (Beyond Language)

I was having dinner with my Ate, when he sent this message to me... 

"You are strong for getting out of bed in the morning even when it feels like hell..

You are brave for doing things, even if they scare you, or they make you feel anxious.

And You are brave for trying and holding on no matter how hard it is.

So please, i hope you are proud of yourself and you deserve that change you've been praying for..."

- I know that this message is copied from somewhere and you just added a personal note on it. nevertheless, the fact that you made an effort to understand, learn and write this to me in English (he is Turkish, by the way), is enough proof that you tried understanding why there are times, I had some mood swings, why you noticed that whenever I am thinking of something, I always grab a pen and start doodling and why I sleep during our conversations via facetime. Thank you for those effort, we may not have what others have, but you understand that times like this, I need a listener and a friend. 

Love, 

AngelSmile02