Monday, September 27, 2010
how do you say happy valentine's day to a grieving heart?
It was Valentine’s Day when we first met. He was with her, and I was with him. I saw him passing me by as he assisted the girl with the red dress. They looked happy. They were smiling or even laughing at each other’s joke. A sight to behold.
I decided not to mind them for I have my own date. Stephen, a guy every woman would love to introduce to their parents for he is so generous, so humble despite his achievements and has a sense even the CEO wouldn’t mind talking to him. But for me, he is just Stephen. Plain old Stephen.
Minutes passed and there’s dessert, but before I was able to enjoy the dish, I noticed the couple was no longer a couple but what’s left was a lonely guy eating in the midst of couples who was celebrating the love day. The girl with the red dress is no longer there. She might have gone to the powder room so I thought. But minutes had passed, I’m done with my dessert and just enjoying a cup of tea with Stephen but she’s still hasn’t come out of the powder room.
Too bad. A nice looking guy was ditched at Valentine’s Day. I felt sorry for him.
Three weeks had passed. I was at the same restaurant for lunch but this time I’m no longer with Stephen. He already flew abroad to go back to medical school. We already said goodbyes because we both know, it’s no longer working for us.
Then I saw the guy again. Still on the same spot where I first saw him, alone. It made me think if it’s just plain coincidence or what but he is there.
The guy noticed that I was looking at him so he raised his wine glass and gave me a nod. I felt myself blushed and turn my eyes away. I decided to continue eating.
I was at the parking lot when he called my attention. He said his name is James. I asked him why he is introducing himself. He said he also doesn’t know why and he just wanted to approach me. I smiled at the thought. He was just a lonely guy eating at a restaurant when he noticed me. But then again, I shook off the thought. I welcomed the thought of having a new friend.
James and I instantly hit off. It’s like he came when I need a friend the most. He was able to make me smile on my gloomy days. He was able to lift up my spirit when I was down. He placed a smile on my lips when smiling was the last thing I wanted to do. In short, James was more than what I waited for.
We are having the usual dinner at a restaurant when I saw those medicines. He said those were for his mom’s vitamins. I believed him. There’s no reason for me not to believe him. But days after, I started calling his attention about him losing weight. He joked saying that was just him trying to impress me. I laughed at his craziness.
We agreed to go out of town at the end of next month because we needed some space away from our respective works. We were heading south when he pulled the car. I got worried and asked him why. He said nothing serious. I know he was not telling me the truth but I just nodded and I vowed to myself I will find it out.
He was at the bathroom taking a shower when I felt the sudden urge to go through his things. I saw the medicines, the doctor’s receipts, and those were not for his mom. Those were for him. He is sick. Very sick that I was stunned for a while, and did not notice tears rolling down my cheeks. That was he saw when he stepped out.
I wasn’t prepared. It all came too soon. After that trip, we went back and things were never the same thing again. I buried myself to work trying to convince myself that what happened was just nothing, I tried acting as normal as I could.
But I was wrong. No matter how much I try to deny it, I found myself in front of his doorstep crying asking him how I can ease the pain.
It was cancer. He got it when he was 20. And according to him, he tried to live as normal as he could until I came along. Everything was shown to me, his records, certificates and it pained the hell out of me.
I can’t do anything. I’m not God. I was never God. I never prayed that hard before. I asked Him why’s and how’s. I was the same strong willed lady when I’m with him, but when I’m not, I cry, I cry for the things we could have become. I never wanted us to end with sickness.
Three years. Three long years had passed. I am still sitting on the same spot where he first saw me. I tried to live the same events when he was still with me. Because it had been three years since he passed on but the pain still lingers on. I always look forward of spending Valentine’s with him but now, no other day can make me long this much for that one person I miss the most.
James always brings the flowers to our dates, but this time, it was me who brings the flowers. All I could do is to set them on his grave. I know James is happy; I married him before he died. That was his last promise. He will marry me, and he did. He died in his sleep and he was with me when it happened. I promised him the last thing he would see from me is a smile. I smiled, not because I’m happy but I’m accepting his fate, our fate.
Now, to a grieving heart, how does one say, Happy Valentine’s day?
I decided not to mind them for I have my own date. Stephen, a guy every woman would love to introduce to their parents for he is so generous, so humble despite his achievements and has a sense even the CEO wouldn’t mind talking to him. But for me, he is just Stephen. Plain old Stephen.
Minutes passed and there’s dessert, but before I was able to enjoy the dish, I noticed the couple was no longer a couple but what’s left was a lonely guy eating in the midst of couples who was celebrating the love day. The girl with the red dress is no longer there. She might have gone to the powder room so I thought. But minutes had passed, I’m done with my dessert and just enjoying a cup of tea with Stephen but she’s still hasn’t come out of the powder room.
Too bad. A nice looking guy was ditched at Valentine’s Day. I felt sorry for him.
Three weeks had passed. I was at the same restaurant for lunch but this time I’m no longer with Stephen. He already flew abroad to go back to medical school. We already said goodbyes because we both know, it’s no longer working for us.
Then I saw the guy again. Still on the same spot where I first saw him, alone. It made me think if it’s just plain coincidence or what but he is there.
The guy noticed that I was looking at him so he raised his wine glass and gave me a nod. I felt myself blushed and turn my eyes away. I decided to continue eating.
I was at the parking lot when he called my attention. He said his name is James. I asked him why he is introducing himself. He said he also doesn’t know why and he just wanted to approach me. I smiled at the thought. He was just a lonely guy eating at a restaurant when he noticed me. But then again, I shook off the thought. I welcomed the thought of having a new friend.
James and I instantly hit off. It’s like he came when I need a friend the most. He was able to make me smile on my gloomy days. He was able to lift up my spirit when I was down. He placed a smile on my lips when smiling was the last thing I wanted to do. In short, James was more than what I waited for.
We are having the usual dinner at a restaurant when I saw those medicines. He said those were for his mom’s vitamins. I believed him. There’s no reason for me not to believe him. But days after, I started calling his attention about him losing weight. He joked saying that was just him trying to impress me. I laughed at his craziness.
We agreed to go out of town at the end of next month because we needed some space away from our respective works. We were heading south when he pulled the car. I got worried and asked him why. He said nothing serious. I know he was not telling me the truth but I just nodded and I vowed to myself I will find it out.
He was at the bathroom taking a shower when I felt the sudden urge to go through his things. I saw the medicines, the doctor’s receipts, and those were not for his mom. Those were for him. He is sick. Very sick that I was stunned for a while, and did not notice tears rolling down my cheeks. That was he saw when he stepped out.
I wasn’t prepared. It all came too soon. After that trip, we went back and things were never the same thing again. I buried myself to work trying to convince myself that what happened was just nothing, I tried acting as normal as I could.
But I was wrong. No matter how much I try to deny it, I found myself in front of his doorstep crying asking him how I can ease the pain.
It was cancer. He got it when he was 20. And according to him, he tried to live as normal as he could until I came along. Everything was shown to me, his records, certificates and it pained the hell out of me.
I can’t do anything. I’m not God. I was never God. I never prayed that hard before. I asked Him why’s and how’s. I was the same strong willed lady when I’m with him, but when I’m not, I cry, I cry for the things we could have become. I never wanted us to end with sickness.
Three years. Three long years had passed. I am still sitting on the same spot where he first saw me. I tried to live the same events when he was still with me. Because it had been three years since he passed on but the pain still lingers on. I always look forward of spending Valentine’s with him but now, no other day can make me long this much for that one person I miss the most.
James always brings the flowers to our dates, but this time, it was me who brings the flowers. All I could do is to set them on his grave. I know James is happy; I married him before he died. That was his last promise. He will marry me, and he did. He died in his sleep and he was with me when it happened. I promised him the last thing he would see from me is a smile. I smiled, not because I’m happy but I’m accepting his fate, our fate.
Now, to a grieving heart, how does one say, Happy Valentine’s day?
Friday, August 20, 2010
Weekend Summary
monday - first day of 5pm shift. and holy cow! I was late! good thing my trainer was good enough not to scold me hahahaha...
tuesday - my shift ends at 1am. I tried sleeping from 3am to 5am but Gel said I was "namamahay" grr! what a bummer! I ended up looking after them and browsing the net thru my phone
wednesday - still same routine. I thought I will be able to sleep because I had headache while discussing mobile plans but to my surprise, I still ended up playing in my bed at the sleeping quarters..
thursday - my wavemate, urville. Was good enough to invite me to try watching movies with the others at the Experience Room. I tried. But, I ended up watching 2 movies until 5am so still no time to sleep.
friday - our wave had some sort of celebration. I don't know if it's because we just finished online courses the entire night or they were just plain generous they invented we should celebrate "friday" since it is a weekender.
to sum it all. a mix of both. I enjoyed watching korean films again. I get to play with xbox and wii (my wishlist) hehehehe
here is a picture of the guy I like during those marathons.. feel free to ogle on him! hehehehe.. Lee Ki Woo ♥ (drool)
tuesday - my shift ends at 1am. I tried sleeping from 3am to 5am but Gel said I was "namamahay" grr! what a bummer! I ended up looking after them and browsing the net thru my phone
wednesday - still same routine. I thought I will be able to sleep because I had headache while discussing mobile plans but to my surprise, I still ended up playing in my bed at the sleeping quarters..
thursday - my wavemate, urville. Was good enough to invite me to try watching movies with the others at the Experience Room. I tried. But, I ended up watching 2 movies until 5am so still no time to sleep.
friday - our wave had some sort of celebration. I don't know if it's because we just finished online courses the entire night or they were just plain generous they invented we should celebrate "friday" since it is a weekender.
to sum it all. a mix of both. I enjoyed watching korean films again. I get to play with xbox and wii (my wishlist) hehehehe
here is a picture of the guy I like during those marathons.. feel free to ogle on him! hehehehe.. Lee Ki Woo ♥ (drool)
Sunday, August 8, 2010
my life's simplest pleasures
my life's simplest pleasures...
1. getting a frappe from starbucks or my javanilla from seattle's
> i have always been a fan of frappes since college. but due to affordability issues, I never had the chance to enjoy my type of frappe.. and now I'm working, after a hard day at work, I always reward myself this beverages once in a while.
2. taking pictures
> i took one class of photojournalism way back in college. i may not have the potential then but i got the interest, that's a good start. I studied and enhance my love for emotions and I used it as my subject for my fortfolios. luckily, my professor notice my determination. (that was my shot using wally's cam)
3. restaurant raids
> my mama used to take us out every sunday after hearing mass. we would always try different restaurants in the city. and that kinda stop when she died. and again, since i started earning my own money, once every two weeks, I try different restaurants, check what they can offer and if I was really enticed, I make sure I compliment them in the smallest way I can get. (with my bestfriends @ shakey's)
4. writing
> talking about my issues has never been my cup of tea. so the writer in me was born. I can write for hours about anything I'm feeling from the food I've eaten, places I'd been to and so on.(my scribbles during training)
5. travel
> i'm a girl who love to try different stuff. from eating to doing something out of the ordinary. fyi, i have always wanted to go somewhere just by myself to think, and to weigh things out. I dream of going to the airport (if i have the money) and just choose from there where I wanted to go. (that was me, with mitch, and ceejay @ capones island in zambales)
6. being with friends
> as much as i value my privacy, going out with my friends is my opium. once in a while, in our busy lives, we manage to see each other from time to time. I'm proud to say my great friends and my friday gurls are the best thing that ever happened to me. ♥wacks♥rachel♥moi♥glaiza♥chean♥
7. massage
> going to the spa on my "alone" time is heaven. I take time choosing which massage would suit me best, and I don't mind paying more than the usual amount just to make sure it's all worth it.
8. slipper keychains
> a self confessed lakwatsera by heart. my souvenirs are slippers with the name of the city engraved on it. (souvenirs from my adventure in tagaytay)
9. books
> i'm not really a wide reader. I just read lifestyle, coffee-table books, pocketbooks just for fun.. nothing serious
10. and lastly.. weddings
> i'm single and not bitter. and attending, planning, and everything about the wedding is uber fun for me. I experienced surrounded by couples in one expo and i never experienced being left out and all alone. but for me, me getting married is far from my mind.. not in the next 10 years! (^_^)(wedding of a friend bitoy)
1. getting a frappe from starbucks or my javanilla from seattle's
> i have always been a fan of frappes since college. but due to affordability issues, I never had the chance to enjoy my type of frappe.. and now I'm working, after a hard day at work, I always reward myself this beverages once in a while.
2. taking pictures
> i took one class of photojournalism way back in college. i may not have the potential then but i got the interest, that's a good start. I studied and enhance my love for emotions and I used it as my subject for my fortfolios. luckily, my professor notice my determination. (that was my shot using wally's cam)
3. restaurant raids
> my mama used to take us out every sunday after hearing mass. we would always try different restaurants in the city. and that kinda stop when she died. and again, since i started earning my own money, once every two weeks, I try different restaurants, check what they can offer and if I was really enticed, I make sure I compliment them in the smallest way I can get. (with my bestfriends @ shakey's)
4. writing
> talking about my issues has never been my cup of tea. so the writer in me was born. I can write for hours about anything I'm feeling from the food I've eaten, places I'd been to and so on.(my scribbles during training)
5. travel
> i'm a girl who love to try different stuff. from eating to doing something out of the ordinary. fyi, i have always wanted to go somewhere just by myself to think, and to weigh things out. I dream of going to the airport (if i have the money) and just choose from there where I wanted to go. (that was me, with mitch, and ceejay @ capones island in zambales)
6. being with friends
> as much as i value my privacy, going out with my friends is my opium. once in a while, in our busy lives, we manage to see each other from time to time. I'm proud to say my great friends and my friday gurls are the best thing that ever happened to me. ♥wacks♥rachel♥moi♥glaiza♥chean♥
7. massage
> going to the spa on my "alone" time is heaven. I take time choosing which massage would suit me best, and I don't mind paying more than the usual amount just to make sure it's all worth it.
8. slipper keychains
> a self confessed lakwatsera by heart. my souvenirs are slippers with the name of the city engraved on it. (souvenirs from my adventure in tagaytay)
9. books
> i'm not really a wide reader. I just read lifestyle, coffee-table books, pocketbooks just for fun.. nothing serious
10. and lastly.. weddings
> i'm single and not bitter. and attending, planning, and everything about the wedding is uber fun for me. I experienced surrounded by couples in one expo and i never experienced being left out and all alone. but for me, me getting married is far from my mind.. not in the next 10 years! (^_^)(wedding of a friend bitoy)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Simple Things...
Hey, time won't wait
Life goes by
Every day's a brand new sky
Every tear comes to dry
All that really matters in this crazy world
Is you and I together, baby just remember...
The first leaves of the tree,
The way you look at me,
A thousand chiming church bells ring
The simple things are free
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things,
The simple things just are
So here we go
Let's just dance
Teach my soul to take this chance
Put my heart in your hands
Out of all the moments that we leave behind
Turn around and tell me baby we'll remember...
The thunder and the rain,
The way you say my name
After all the clouds go by the simple things remain
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things,
The simple things just are
Oh, The ocean and the sky
The way we feel tonight
I know that it's the love that brings the simple things to light
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
I love the way the simple things,
The simple things just are
++++ i so love this song by jim brickman ++++
Life goes by
Every day's a brand new sky
Every tear comes to dry
All that really matters in this crazy world
Is you and I together, baby just remember...
The first leaves of the tree,
The way you look at me,
A thousand chiming church bells ring
The simple things are free
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things,
The simple things just are
So here we go
Let's just dance
Teach my soul to take this chance
Put my heart in your hands
Out of all the moments that we leave behind
Turn around and tell me baby we'll remember...
The thunder and the rain,
The way you say my name
After all the clouds go by the simple things remain
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
How I love the simple things,
The simple things just are
Oh, The ocean and the sky
The way we feel tonight
I know that it's the love that brings the simple things to light
The sun, the moon, the stars,
The beating of two hearts
I love the way the simple things,
The simple things just are
++++ i so love this song by jim brickman ++++
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Anawangin, Zambales
me and my team mates along with another team's supervisor and a friend recently went to Anawangin, Zambales for a much needed off. it was a hassle at first going to the lace. we ran out of bus tickets due to miscommunication with the other. so we chanced upon in getting a ticket to Olongapo city and from there, just an hour or less drive to San Antonio.
Fare :
Bus (from victory pasay to olongapo) - Php215.00
baby bus (from olongapo to san antonio) - Php42.00
we rode the tricycle as soon as we arrived in San Antonio and spent around Php30.00/pax to go to Pundaquit.
I was having second thoughts in pushing it through because of the hassles but when I
reached Pundaquit (it's a fishing village in Zambales) it was worth it. a view of a beach never fails to amaze me we rode the banca for an hour (php200 for round trip and extra hundred if you will tour the island/pax)
and then anawangin view.... riding the banca was worth it. I was worried for safety purposes but the whole trip was so serene because of the rock formations, clear water, and fishes joining you.
anawangin is a cove in the town of San Antonio in Zambales. It's a beach with an off
white sand and uber green forest near the shore. It also has a stream behind the forest that flows out to the sea. It also has two cliffs in the north and south.
According to the bankero, northern cliff is higher and not advisable for trekking since it has loose rocks... The southern cliff is easier to climb. One of my team mates tried it and she said it has a great view of the beach and sunset.
Anawangin is not Boracay in terms of development, but that doesn't mean it is boring. you can do bonfire with friends and should bring a guitar so you can sing around it.
I also mentioned about island hopping with the boatman. We tried Capones island. It has this century-old Spanish lighthouse.
Warning : Be cautious, the beach has strong undercurrent at times - we were almost drowned because of it, good thing i have a loud voice it reached people from the shore.
and the good thing about it? We only spent more or less 2k per person!
There are no modern facilities in Anawangin; there are only a couple of toilets (without roofs) and water pumps as sources of running water. Bring lots of drinking water since drinking from the water pump is not safe, and the weather tends to be too hot at around 12 noon. Also bring your own food, there are no hotels and resorts that could prepare meals for you. For sleeping, you have to bring your own tent and pitch it under the forest cover where it is much cooler than by the shore
Fare :
Bus (from victory pasay to olongapo) - Php215.00
baby bus (from olongapo to san antonio) - Php42.00
we rode the tricycle as soon as we arrived in San Antonio and spent around Php30.00/pax to go to Pundaquit.
I was having second thoughts in pushing it through because of the hassles but when I
reached Pundaquit (it's a fishing village in Zambales) it was worth it. a view of a beach never fails to amaze me we rode the banca for an hour (php200 for round trip and extra hundred if you will tour the island/pax)
and then anawangin view.... riding the banca was worth it. I was worried for safety purposes but the whole trip was so serene because of the rock formations, clear water, and fishes joining you.
anawangin is a cove in the town of San Antonio in Zambales. It's a beach with an off
white sand and uber green forest near the shore. It also has a stream behind the forest that flows out to the sea. It also has two cliffs in the north and south.
According to the bankero, northern cliff is higher and not advisable for trekking since it has loose rocks... The southern cliff is easier to climb. One of my team mates tried it and she said it has a great view of the beach and sunset.
Anawangin is not Boracay in terms of development, but that doesn't mean it is boring. you can do bonfire with friends and should bring a guitar so you can sing around it.
I also mentioned about island hopping with the boatman. We tried Capones island. It has this century-old Spanish lighthouse.
Warning : Be cautious, the beach has strong undercurrent at times - we were almost drowned because of it, good thing i have a loud voice it reached people from the shore.
and the good thing about it? We only spent more or less 2k per person!
There are no modern facilities in Anawangin; there are only a couple of toilets (without roofs) and water pumps as sources of running water. Bring lots of drinking water since drinking from the water pump is not safe, and the weather tends to be too hot at around 12 noon. Also bring your own food, there are no hotels and resorts that could prepare meals for you. For sleeping, you have to bring your own tent and pitch it under the forest cover where it is much cooler than by the shore
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