Single or Taken?

How do I say I'm single coz I haven't found the one without sounding defensive to people around me?

I have always loved being single... I mean, it's not bad as it looks like. I was born alone so I don't see any reason why being single is like a stigma to people. I like going to cinemas alone or shopping or travelling or just doing the grocery without anyone.

I don't hate the idea of ending up with someone. I guess it's me being idealistic. I wanted to enjoy singlehood so when I found THE ONE, the thing they called SINGLE BLESSEDNESS won't be a big question to me. That I was able to enjoy things alone first without worrying anything or anyone.

That's it. Maybe that's the problem. I treat it as a hassle. A worry. Which shouldn't be in the first place. Having THE ONE should be bliss. A lifetime happiness.

I wasn't born rich. Things weren't served to me in a silver platter. My mother died years ago, and life was hard for me then. Not just for me but for my family as well. Financially, and yes emotionally.

I am turning 25 this September. I'll be attending weddings of my colleagues this year. People now start asking me questions WHEN and WHY. I gained weight after college and people who haven't seen me in a while thought I had a child and worse, a miscarriage (yes, people are sometimes that mean or blunt). And some of my acquaintances would give me this strange look whenever I tell them my dream to travel somewhere solo. Sometimes even my friends, after telling me how hard it is to raise a child and be somehow miserable with their significant other, ask me when is my turn?

Again, if it wasn’t clear for them, I’m happy being single. Yes there are nights I wish I have someone to cuddle, to embrace, and to care aside from my friends and family. But being the practical that I am, I always resort to the idea that “at least I have this, and that” excuses.

People would say those are my excuses to hide my flaws. Basically, they are correct. I’m not perfect. I have the body of a GOD (BUDDHA is a GOD right?). My skin isn’t fairly white. I can’t just spend money without thinking a thousand times if I need it or if I just want it. I don’t have the prettiest hair a girl can dream of. Mine is curly so I have no choice but to deal with it.

But that is exactly my point why I chose not to have one. I know life is hard so I want to make sure my family will be settled first more than anything else. I owe them for that. I still somehow wanted to lose weight for health reasons. I want to have that feeling that I can just buy this and that without thinking if my money will be enough until my next salary. And my hair and my skin? I want to improve them not because I want to be perfect for someone but I want to improve myself.

I know people who had bunch of kids and although they are happy because they are now a family of their own. But they can’t even send these kids to the best school because their salary isn’t enough to cover for their basic needs. Some even experience eating more than twice a day because they need to budget their finances. I want to be ready.

I know girls who cried a thousand times because their guy left them. I know girls whom guys treated them as doormats. I hate to say this, but I think things won’t be like that if they didn’t allow it I the first place.

I love babies but not kids. I never liked the idea of running around following them telling them to slow down or eat this or change their diapers. I’m not prepared for that. The idea of them being makulit scares me. I might lose my patience and hit them in the end and that’s another story.

Being in a relationship isn't like “okay lang yan, for fun lang” for me, it’s a commitment. It should be a responsible commitment between two consenting adults. Both of you should be equipped emotionally, physically, and mentally. As well as having a child. You are raising a kid for heaven’s sake! As parents, you should be responsible enough before giving life, both of you should be smart enough the consequences of being unprotected. I wasn’t naïve for pre-marital sex. It does happen. But make sure you are protected if you’re not ready to be a parent. It’s easy to give life, but it takes a lot of effort to be called a parent.

I know how it’s like to go into some sort of battle without being fully equipped. 90% or more, you’ll lose. There are things better unplanned. But this one is not for me. I want to make sure if I have the ONE, he doesn’t need to ask for my schedule just for him to see me. I want to make sure my family doesn’t need to worry about money anymore. I want to make sure if I’ll have my own family, we would have answers, enough guidance to our kids. And lastly, I want to make sure they no longer need to fight for my attention because those are already finished. And that would be the day “I’m ready”….